There are several reasons why Europeans often look disdainfully across the Atlantic and take pity on us Americans. Political partisanship has reached record highs, gun violence continues to be an issue, and the fragility of our economy remains a legitimate concern. Yet out of all the pitiable and impossible-to-understand woes our country endures on a regular basis, few are as perplexing to the average European observer as our choice of toilet.
Instead of plopping ourselves down on a European-style toilet, where one's nethers are fully cleansed by a refreshing bidet, we choose instead to sit on the most unimaginative and needlessly unhelpful toilets imaginable; leaving us to wipe ourselves clean with dry paper like common peasants.
And bidets are no longer only for the rich and privileged — the snobby aristocrats who light their $500 cigars with hundred-dollar bills before asking their maids to pour them a glass of port. In fact, today, absolutely anyone with a toilet, running water, and a few dollars to spare can enjoy all the wonders of a bidet with minimal effort. And here's why you should invest a few dollars into doing just that: